Japan has invaded Norway!

Japan has mastered something they've been working on for years.  No, not an effective weapon against nuclear enhanced komodo dragons.

Cyborgs... that can dance.

It's a terrifying world we live in.  The future is now. 

Oh no! Someone get GI Joe on Line 3, ASAP

Poisonous cobras.  The most poisonous of all venomous cobras.  When one escapes, handcuffs are useless.  There is no S.S.W.A.T. (Snake Special Weapons and Tactics) Team.  I mean, if Michael Madsen can't defend himself against a snake... the average zoo patron doesn't stand a chance.

Therein lies the dilemma at the Bronx Zoo in New York.  MSNBC- Ok, so Bing sucked. But does Google have its own news station?

An Egyptian Cobra escaped from it's home (although to be fair, it's not necessarily a home, but more of a prison) on Friday.  Apparently one second the glass barrier was there... and the next, it was gone. 

Daniel Radcliffe is being held for questioning.

Snake experts state that they've got the situation contained, as the snake didn't leave the reptile house and is isolated from the visitors at the zoo.  This being said, they don't know where the snake is, don't have a solid game plan on capturing the snake, and seem to be using ambiguous quotes that really give no solace to satiate the public. 

Like this one:

"To understand the situation, you have to understand snakes," zoo Director Jim Breheny said in an email Sunday.  MSNBC- Snakes and Politicians... sometimes one in the same

At this point, our approach to handling chaotic situations has given me little faith against the dangers of modern day problems.  Katrina happened and the relief effort was a disaster.  It took how long to stop the oil spill by BP?  Now we've got problems in Japan, a place of great technological stability and ingenuity, and in 2011 there is a major nuclear problem causing irreperable damage to the people and places there.  I could be expecting too much, but in our modern day with all the amazing things at our disposal... I would hope that we'd have a better handle on the unexpected.  Now we can't handle a snake... one snake... in a contained area? 

Luckily, the snake won't attack anyone unless it feels threatened.  Which is good to release... because before this article came out, people were taunting it's ability to commit in a relationship, holding it up at gun point, and shouting vulgar words at loud decibels at it. 

Certain people state that Egyptian cobras were known as asps in ancient times.  In fact, an asp was used by Cleopatra to assist in her suicide.

Whether the asp on the loose is that same one from antiquity remains to be seen.

More like... Lois "Lame!"

Zack Snyder, you ignorant slut.

It has been released that Amy Adams will portray Lois Lane in the rebooted Superman film.  Apparently the same girl who always seems to play the neurotic, whiny, clumsy, girly girl is the perfect choice for the strong, capable, stubborn, and hard headed woman from DC comic book lore.  Yahoo! News- not to be confused with a popular chocolatey drink

Everyone is currently anticipating Snyder's press release revealing Elton John as Lex Luthor.

When asked why he finally decided on the same woman who played such forgettable roles as the one chick from Talladega Nights (yeah, you don't remember her name either, do you?), Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, The Ex, Underdog, Enchanted, Sunshine Cleaning, and Cruel Intentions 2... Snyder said, "It was between her and Peter Gallagher but Peter was already in the middle of filming another movie with a director who was actually good at making films."

A reboot is supposed to recreate a franchise... to make it appealing to a new generation.  If this film was intended to be such a thing, Snyder is failing miserably. 

When you pick someone for a role, you need to consider what their natural talents are.  The personality they have, what they're able to portray themselves as, how capable they are at their chosen craft.  You don't put Michael Cera as President George Washington.  Or the weakling from The New Guy as Thor.  You can't put Lindsay Lohan as Mother Theresa and Tom Hanks could never pull off a role as a sadistic cannibalistic serial killer.

People are already reserving seats in the theater that they are purposely not going to fill in the hopes that less people will be able to view this movie.
There is some good news despite all this...

The new Superman movie won't be out until December 2012, meaning we might be dead before it comes out (C'mon Mayan prophecy!)